My relatives and friends always put me on notice before their visits to my home, as if I’m their private chef or something. They come strong with these long ass request, for different kinds of cuisines that they want to have prepared for them, because (in their heads), I cook everyday. They claim that I torture them daily by having them drooling over my food photography on my Facebook and Instagram pages.
As flattering as that may sound, I’m truly excited that I can evoke such emotions. But who the heck do they think I am. The energizer bunny? Sometimes I wonder. I have folks from overseas plotting on my food already and some of them don’t even have passports or visas. It’s all love and I know it, but I be giving them blank stares when I realize some even have a list prepared. Talking bout, “Denise, when mi come, mi want dis dat and dat.” (My true relatives call me Denise). When I’m not giving them blank stares, I’m usually laughing my ass off, cause I laugh for everything and they sound hella funny to me.
If only they knew the secret to get me to cooking and feeding them all the time, is super simple. All they gotta do, is rave about how some wack, unhealthy restaurant makes something that is so d’luscious. That’s it! That’s freaking it! And because I wanna heal the world, I gotta go outta my way to create something healthy and nutritious.
Let me give you an example:
A friend of mine took me to a restaurant in Los Angeles. It was a hectic day and I wasn’t about to cook. It was late and I was hungry. I don’t even remember the name of the restaurant and I don’t care to remember the name of the restaurant. I don’t even understand why anyone, including the few celebrities I bumped into, even eat there.
Anyways, I ordered seafood fried rice. I’m a chef and I really don’t like to order anything too extravagant when I dine out (most times, I’m so disappointed). Did I mention that my tastebuds are super sophisticated? Whenever I eat out and the food is good, I will shout it on the mountain tops so the whole world can hear. The description on the menu read, scallops, shrimp, clams, mussels, and calamari (squid). I thought, ‘Ok that sounds great!’ And since it was a Chinese restaurant, I was expecting some vegetables of some kind. Well, at least broccoli.
When the server came out with my food, I wanted to cry. I wanted to fight (and I ain’t even violent). I was served a huge plate of RICE! To this day, I can’t seem to make out the seafood. They must have used the seafood mix with the TINIEST pieces of seafood I have ever seen in my life. Even if I used binoculars, I would not have been able to SEE the seafood. I was expecting big pieces of shrimp and scallops and stuff.
Needless to say, I have learned my lesson and won’t be dining there anytime now or in the future. I also had to prove to my friend that, that crap was no where close to Chinese food or China. Why me Lord? My next door neighbors in Jamaica were Chinese. I KNOW what Chinese food should look and taste like.
Y’all thought Jamaica was about oxtails and curry goat and jerk chicken huh?
No ‘hunty!’ Our motto is ‘Out of Many, One People’ and that’s because Jamaica is truly a melting pot of diversity.
To redeem myself and satisfy my soul, I HAD to conjure up this amazing Asian inspired Shrimp with mussels and flowering kale. Sometimes I wonder if I was Korean or Indian in a past life. I sure do love some Indian spice and Asian style vegetables.
Watch the video for the full recipe. You won’t be disappointed. And you’ll feel like your in China too. LOL